Rougher than jacking off with sandpaper!! Have another filthy friday funfest!!!!!
A gorilla wakes up in the jungle one morning with the biggest errection of his life. Not wanting to put it to waste, he starts running through the trees trying to find something to use it on but unfortunately all the other creatures have seen the monkey monster between his legs and got the fuck out of the way. The birds took to the sky, the wildebeest stampeded clean over the horizon and all the time our hero was going more and more, er, ape shit.
At last though he came to the watering hole and there was lion, king of the jungle, having his morning slurp. The gorilla didn't hesitate and shoved lions head under the water, lifted up his tail and sank his full crimson crowbar up the felines fudge pipe. Only once he had deposited a healthy dose of primate paste into the murderous moggy did the full enormity of what he had done hit him.
He pulled out and legged it, closely followed by lion who was intent on feasting on gorilla gonads for lunch. Round and round they ran until at last, half dead from exaustion, the gorilla stumbled into a clearing to find David Attenborough sat in a deckchair reading the Times. He picked up the nutty naturalist, threw him into the bush, nicked his hat and sat down with the paper just in time as the lion came into the clearing.
'Oi Attenbrough' roared the lion 'have you seen that bastard gorilla?'
'W-w-would that be the gorilla what bummed you silly at the watering hole earlier?' stammers the anxious ape.
'Oh fucking hell' groans lion 'Don't tell me its made the news already'!!!!
A man walks into a lingerie shop and announces he wishes to buy a see thru negligee size 58-54-62.
The assistant stares at him for a moment then asks 'Why the fuck would you want to see through that???'!!!
A woman walks into a sex shop and says that she has been a little deprived since her husband passed on and wants to buy a vibrator.
'Ok' says the clerk 'How about an 8 inch rabbit?'
'Oh no' says the woman 'my husband was a large man. I'll need something bigger than that'.
'Fair enough' replies the guy 'How about a 12 inch bully boy'.
'Still not enough' says the woman 'My husband was exceedingly big. What about that tartan one on the back shelf?'
'Madam' replies the clerk 'Thats my thermos flask'!!!!
The seven dwarves are granted an audience with the Pope and as they are chatting Dopey asks him 'Father. Are there any dwarf nuns in the Vatican?'
'No my son' replies the Pope.
'Oh right' says Dopey 'Are there any dwarf nuns in Italy?'
'No my son' says the Pope once more.
'Ah but are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?' asks Dopey.
'Dopey' interupts Grumpy 'Will you just accept the fact you shagged a penguin?'!!!
And last but not least its time for disaster joke from the archive, which has been swollen a fair bit with the croaking of Michael Jackson!!!!
Have you heard McDonalds are to bring out a special McJackson burger to commemorate the singers death?
They are to put some 50 year old meat between two 12 year old buns....
..... Don't know about you but I think I'll pass on the 'special' sauce!!!!
See you next week!!!!!
A gorilla wakes up in the jungle one morning with the biggest errection of his life. Not wanting to put it to waste, he starts running through the trees trying to find something to use it on but unfortunately all the other creatures have seen the monkey monster between his legs and got the fuck out of the way. The birds took to the sky, the wildebeest stampeded clean over the horizon and all the time our hero was going more and more, er, ape shit.
At last though he came to the watering hole and there was lion, king of the jungle, having his morning slurp. The gorilla didn't hesitate and shoved lions head under the water, lifted up his tail and sank his full crimson crowbar up the felines fudge pipe. Only once he had deposited a healthy dose of primate paste into the murderous moggy did the full enormity of what he had done hit him.
He pulled out and legged it, closely followed by lion who was intent on feasting on gorilla gonads for lunch. Round and round they ran until at last, half dead from exaustion, the gorilla stumbled into a clearing to find David Attenborough sat in a deckchair reading the Times. He picked up the nutty naturalist, threw him into the bush, nicked his hat and sat down with the paper just in time as the lion came into the clearing.
'Oi Attenbrough' roared the lion 'have you seen that bastard gorilla?'
'W-w-would that be the gorilla what bummed you silly at the watering hole earlier?' stammers the anxious ape.
'Oh fucking hell' groans lion 'Don't tell me its made the news already'!!!!
A man walks into a lingerie shop and announces he wishes to buy a see thru negligee size 58-54-62.
The assistant stares at him for a moment then asks 'Why the fuck would you want to see through that???'!!!
A woman walks into a sex shop and says that she has been a little deprived since her husband passed on and wants to buy a vibrator.
'Ok' says the clerk 'How about an 8 inch rabbit?'
'Oh no' says the woman 'my husband was a large man. I'll need something bigger than that'.
'Fair enough' replies the guy 'How about a 12 inch bully boy'.
'Still not enough' says the woman 'My husband was exceedingly big. What about that tartan one on the back shelf?'
'Madam' replies the clerk 'Thats my thermos flask'!!!!
The seven dwarves are granted an audience with the Pope and as they are chatting Dopey asks him 'Father. Are there any dwarf nuns in the Vatican?'
'No my son' replies the Pope.
'Oh right' says Dopey 'Are there any dwarf nuns in Italy?'
'No my son' says the Pope once more.
'Ah but are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?' asks Dopey.
'Dopey' interupts Grumpy 'Will you just accept the fact you shagged a penguin?'!!!
And last but not least its time for disaster joke from the archive, which has been swollen a fair bit with the croaking of Michael Jackson!!!!
Have you heard McDonalds are to bring out a special McJackson burger to commemorate the singers death?
They are to put some 50 year old meat between two 12 year old buns....
..... Don't know about you but I think I'll pass on the 'special' sauce!!!!
See you next week!!!!!
