Filthier that frotting against Phil Mitchell. Rougher than riding Joan Rivers bareback. Its that Friday feeling time!!!!!

Isn't it amazing how thoughts can trancend continents? Just the other day one guy was walking across the Niagra Falls on a high line while at precisely the same time a 20 year old nipper in Sydney was getting a blow job off a 90 year old woman. And at exactly the same time exactly the same thing popped into both their heads.
For fucks sake don't look down!!!!

Vain Vinnie was admiring his tanned and toned physique in the mirror one morning when he noticed a flaw on his otherwise perfect body. While everything else was gloriously bronzed, his old man was still whiter than a nuns concience.
Well Vinnie couldn't be doing with this. Far too vain you see. So he took himself off to the beach and buried himself in the sand with just his Johnson poking out to catch the rays.
Half hour later Ethel and Mabel come walking along the shore. 'Well aint that fucking typical?' says Mabel giving the cock a flick with her walking stick. 'At 20 I was curious about them. At 30 I enjoyed them. At 40 I craved them, at 50 I paid for them and at 60 I forgot all about them. And now I'm 80 and the bastards are growing wild and I'm too fucking old to squat'!!!!

Little Billy, little Tommy and little Johnny are in the playground comparing their fathers.
'Well my dads so clever he can blow cigarette smoke through his nose.' Says Billy..
'Thats nothing' says Tommy 'my dads so clever he can blow cigarette smoke through his ears'.
'My daddys even better than that says Johnny 'He's so clever he can blow cigarette smoke through his arsehole.'
'Oh bollocks' cry the other two in disbelief.
'He can too.' Says little Johnny 'I've seen the nicotine stains on his Y fronts to prove it'!!!!

The Rabbi is conducting the Saturday prayers at the Synagogue when all of a sudden Yossi and Jacob start an almighty row at the back. 'Brothers' cries the Rabbi 'We are trying to show some respect here and you two are arguing like children. What is the matter?'
'I am sorry' says Yossi 'but we are having a theological debate. You Rabbi are a man of great learning.. Could you tell us if black is a colour?'
'Dear god' says the Rabbi 'Yes its in the Torah somewhere. Black is a colour. Can I get on with the prayers now?'
So the Rabbi goes back to the prayers when Yossi and Jacob start having another barney. 'My friends' says the Rabbi 'This is a place of worship and you two are squabbling like babies. What is the matter now?'
'Rabbi' says Yossi 'We are still in disagreement. Could you tell us whether white is a colour?'
'For the love of God' sighs the Rabbi 'Yes according to the scriptures white is a colour. Why the hell do you want to know anyway?'
'Because Rabbi' says Yossi 'Jacob thinks I have ripped him off'.
'Ripped him off?' Asks the Rabbi 'In what way?'
'Well' replies Yossi 'He wont believe me when I tell him I sold him a colour telly'!!!!

And finally the legend that is Disaster Joke From The Archive!!!!

Princess Diana walks into a pub and asks the bar man for a pint of Fosters.
'I'm sorry ma'am he replies 'We dont sell that. Will Carling do?'!!!!

Sees ya next week!!!!