If you happened to be in Lloyds in Newport last night and if you had the monumental misfortune to witness a large, somewhat inebriated gentleman who looked as if he should have been old enough to know better bouncing round the dance floor like a helium balloon on acid to such tracks as Chelsea Dagger and Parklife, I apologise. It was me. I'm really sorry if I put you off your beer or traumatised you for life. If its any consolation I did wake up this morning realising that I must have looked a complete dick.
Now where the fuck did I put those paracetamol......